Sunday, June 5th

 Dad gets up so early!  It wouldn't have been bad except I foolishly stayed up watching a movie I'd started yesterday at chemo (Break Every Chain).  I figured since we didn't have to be at chemo until a bit later today, we could hopefully sleep in a little bit.  Alas, that was a nice thought LOL.

We had our breakfast and went back to sleep for a bit.  We headed to chemo where Dad got another unit of blood.  Tomorrow we don't have to be there until 12.

While we were at our appointment (before and during), Dad or I had our church service pulled up so we could watch/listen to Tim.  Dad was all excited because he got a peek at Carol when they were doing communion.  I'm happy he has someone who brings him joy, especially during this crazy time in his life.

While I am glad I'm here with Dad, this experience is a pretty lonely one.  Dad is doing well with the chemo so far, but like right after dinner each night, he goes into his room, shuts his door and either watches TV or calls Carol or whatever.  Then it's just me sitting here...I either play games on my phone, blog, read, watch a movie on YouTube, or try and find something to pass the time on TV.

I just came in from FaceTiming with Tim.  Dad had already gone into his room after supper so I went to return some spices to the kitchen and then went out front to talk with Tim.  At first when we got here, I was afraid to leave Dad alone as I wasn't sure how he would respond to the chemo, but since he's doing okay, I felt okay to leave him in here for a little bit.  Earlier I had gone out back when we got home from the hospital just to sit in the sun.  I miss being outside, breathing outside air, not looking at outside from inside a hospital room or the House.

Still, I am glad I'm here with him.  He doesn't seem to really need me for anything.  I did get the shower seat for him this morning and put that in there for him and took down the shower head.  Since they had to put his IV in that uncomfortable spot, this was going to be easier for him, he said, or he at least wanted to try it.  I guess that worked all right.  I've been able to drive, too, which is easier on my nerves!

It's so hard to think about the what if's so I try not to.  Still, I'm more of a realist, and I know sooner or later, I'm going to have to face a life without Dad in it.  This season reminds me of having young children.  While you're in the trenches, the days feel long and hard, but they pass so quickly in retrospect and there comes a time when you wish you could go back and hold onto them a bit longer, savor the little things.  

Dad had a bit of a cough last night and today his BP (bottom number) was in the 90's.  That's not normal for him.  70's and 80's yes, but not 90's.  His temperature also hung around 99.2.  I'm hoping he holds steady and doesn't run into complications.  I'm ready to be home, but it will just be for a day before we have to turn around and come right back for a day.

I need to text Claire for the address of Sara's bridal shower.  I'm really hoping Dad continues doing well so I can go to that.  I would really hate to miss that, but know if Dad's not doing well, I cannot leave him for Tim to figure out what to do with him, especially since the shower is in Wilmington.

I guess I'll go for now.  I've been kinda down today...probably a mixture of being tired, missing Tim, and wanting to be out of hospitals, etc.  This is pretty isolating and lonely.  I know Dad will be happy to see his "sweetie."

Until tomorrow...